Damaged Soul
by Lucathia Rykatu
Summary: [COMPLETE] Seta Soujiro wanders around on his journey searching for his answer...and finds out that all he wants is revenge on Himura Kenshin! Is this really the right answer to life?
1. part 1

Damaged Soul

A Soujiro-centric fic

by Lucathia

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Soujiro or anything from Rurouni Kenshin. Rurouni Kenshin belongs to its rightful owner. I am just a fan, that's all.

**Notes:** Warnings for an unpleasant first chapter. Violence and mentions of rape.

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**part 1**

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A trickle of liquid ran down my cheek.

I felt it and smiled. I licked my lips. I tasted the saltiness.

I felt like laughing. I felt so much "pleasure" killing that worthless man.

Ever since Himura-san defeated me and told me to find my own answer, I've just been wandering around with no point to live on. What's the point of life with nothing to live for? I wandered around aimlessly, like a dead soul. It was Himura-san who made my life this pointless! Before he defeated me, at least I had Shishio-san's reason to live. The strong survive and the weak die. How very true that is! But, Himura-san insisted that the strong should protect the weak. That is very, very wrong.

For a moment, after he defeated me, I thought his way must have been correct. But after all this nonsensical wandering, I know his way is wrong. I've wandered around for five pointless years already, and I've found no answer. At first I tried not to kill anyone with my sword - I even tried to help people! But I couldn't stand not killing anyone.

Today I saw a man try to rape a peasant girl. I bet if Himura-san saw this, he would have used his sword and "protected" that girl. But of course, I am not him. I did nothing to help her. I watched her suffer, and I smiled. After he tore all of her clothes off, she managed to escape his grasp and pull out a knife. She advanced to kill herself. I did not stop her. The man was surprised by her action. He never thought she would go this far. He was in trouble now. If someone reported this to the police, he would get punished severely for the crimes he committed. But, of course, that is if someone reported this. I guess he would have been better off if someone reported it. Then he would not have had to die.

I smiled widely and pulled out my sword. I approached him without a sound, hidden in the shadows. When I finally reached him, I slashed at his back. He managed to turn around and gasp, but he had no time to scream. He dropped dead immediately, spraying my face with blood. I smiled. That was the salty trickle I had tasted. Blood. Blood of another man. Some might think me perverted, to stand by without helping that girl and then kill this man. I just smiled. I am not a good person. I am a villain. I live to see people suffer. I kill people and let their blood stain me.

I stared at my sword and smiled again. The sight of red on my sword is appealing. I knelt down towards the dead man and stabbed him again. Too bad he's dead already. If he wasn't dead, I would have prolonged his pain. I didn't feel like wiping my sword, but I did it anyway. I felt a little empty washing off the blood. I wanted it to stay on my sword. The sight of it soothed me, but I knew it would dry off sooner or later, so I wiped it off with the dead man's shirt. I left both man and woman lying there, abandoned in the streets. I finally found my answer today. My answer...my answer is that I will have my revenge. I turned around and headed towards Tokyo. I will get my revenge!

No one takes me seriously at all. Everyone just looks at my ever-smiling face and shrug me off. They think I'm just a harmless samurai boy, but of course they are wrong. I keep pulling out my sword at the littlest things. That was how I lived before Himura-san came into my life, and that is how I will continue. It is good practice.

Practice for what? Why, practice so I can take my revenge. I smiled widely at that thought. I finally have a new reason to live on.

I slashed merciless at this woman who had slapped her children. Her bruised children watched me with fright. She fell down into a pool of blood. They screamed. The boys ran out of the house. Barely. They were shaking so hard. Why? Because I killed their mother so easily, as if she were an insect. They ran out though, because I let them. Let them spread the rumor. Let other people know of my existence. Then I can have more fun.

They'll think a new Hitokiri has been born, but of course that's not true. I'm no hitokiri. I'm the Tenken. I'll kill everyone in my view, if they are worthy of death. I'll kill them all if I can find pleasure from killing them. Who cares about answers anymore? I just want to feel.

Just you wait, Himura-san. I am much stronger than before. I am part of the strong. I'll survive when everyone else dies. I haven't been doing nothing all these years. I mastered my techniques and brought them to a new level. No one can beat me anymore, not even the legendary Hitokiri Battousai. No one can beat me, not even Shishio-san.

With my sword, I will get revenge for Shishio-san and Yumi-neesan. I shall purify myself of my own doubt. I am stronger. I shall kill that wrong man once and for all. Then, my objective will be accomplished. After that, I might have no more will to live on. But then, so what? My revenge will be fulfilled. I smiled again.

I am nearing Tokyo. I know that is where Himura-san is residing. I pulled out my sword. It is stained with blood. Not human blood though. Animal blood. I have been hunting.

I wiped the blood of both animal and human off my face before I entered the town. It's not that I care about others' perception of me. I just don't want to be discovered by Himura-san so soon. I don't want laziness to destroy my whole plan.

I strolled casually down the street. No one recognizes me here and apparently no rumors have been spread this far yet. Even if they knew a new Hitokiri was about, they would never have guessed it was me. Me, with my ever smiling facade. I kept smiling as I walked down the streets. The smell of food drew my attention. Even though I wasn't hungry or tired at all, I went in. On instinct. I am going to start the hunt.

The restaurant was bustling with activity. I took a look around. Not much to interest me. As I was just about to let this place out of harm, something caught my eye. Himura-san's sakabatou.

A young man held the sakabatou. He had spiky hair and reddish brown eyes. He was talking merrily with a waitress about his own age. Why does he have Himura-san's sakabatou? I smiled dangerously. Can it be that Himura-san has been defeated? I hope not. If so, I will have no fun. But then, I can still challenge this young man.

The waitress spotted me and turned to the young man.

"Yahiko-kun, I'll be back. There are customers to be served." She turned away from the young man and headed my way. The man named Yahiko did not seem happy.

She approached me with a very professional smile. "What would you like to order?" She asked me with such innocence.

I shook my head. I did not even speak a word. She just smiled and left. I guess she knew I wasn't here to eat. She walked back to where the young man was and they continued their chat. This time I was in it. But that did not catch my interest.

"Tsubame, just forget about that dirty-looking wanderer. You know those kind of people won't give good pay." Yahiko puffed. He looked at me but I wasn't looking at him. I was just listening.

"But, even if they can't pay well, they're still our customers. And besides, didn't Kenshin-san used to be a wanderer? He always gives good pay." Tsubame smiled sweetly.

Now that caught my attention. So these people knew Himura-san after all. I'll get interesting information out of them. The man decided to end the conversation. He's leaving. I should follow him.

I stalked him in the shadows. He did not sense me at all. How come? Why, because I have no emotions, I have no fighting ki or sword ki to radiate. He cannot sense my existence. And of course I will not give off even one sound.

He walked towards a dojo. The Kamiya Dojo. Apparently he lives here. I sneaked beneath the roofs next to the door and peeked in. Yahiko walked in and approached a woman. She was carrying a little boy with red hair. That boy...that boy looked surprisingly like Himura-san!

"Morning, Kaoru! Morning, Ken-chan!" The man walked up to the boy and ruffled his hair.

Now this news is pretty surprising. It seems that Himura-san has married, and that is his child. I smiled again to myself. It's just even more fun to ruin his happiness if he has a lot of it. The more happiness to destroy, the more fun.

The door slid open. A red haired man slowly walked out. Himura Kenshin. It can be no other. He walked so slowly. He's gotten old. I don't think he even stands a chance against me anymore. I smiled. I will win this time.

I SHALL GET MY REVENGE!

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**to be continued**

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(**March 29th, 2007**: Since ffnet removed all scene dividers, I'm going back through all my fics to add them in. Remember that this is my first fic ever. It's pretty bad, so proceed with caution! One day I'll have to write a new Soujiro fic to do him justice.)


	2. part 2

Damaged Soul

a Soujiro-centric fic

by Lucathia

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**part 2**

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As I stood by the doorway, I heard them talk about some kind of reunion. Sagara-san and a doctor named Megumi were coming to visit. I smiled. More people to kill. I wonder why I suddenly want to harm so many people? It's like I'm addicted.

I turned to leave. There's basically nothing I want to hear from Himura-san's company. The more I hear, the wilder I get. They seem so full of happiness. Why don't I have any? I walked towards that restaurant I just went to.

I remained hidden in the shadows made from the roof. I stood outside of the restaurant. Why am I here anyway? I think it's because the hunt will start soon. And...and my first victim will be the waitress. Tsubame.

I saw her walk out of the restaurant. Apparently, her job's finished for the day. I pulled out my sword slowly. The hunt is about to begin. The hunt by this crazed hunter is about to begin.

She walked slowly into the alley. She's deep in thought. I advanced towards her. She does not sense me. I smiled. But she turned around...

"Are you a customer?" She smiled at me.

I was shocked. How could she have sensed me? My skills are too perfect to be sensed. But she knew I was here. I rose my hand to my forehead.

I am burning.

Burning...from what? A fever? No. No...I am burning with hatred. She sensed my hatred.

I rose my sword. I did not even say a word. I pointed it at her.

She looked at me with sad eyes. "You must be a wandering samurai. I see so much pain in your eyes."

Silly girl. Isn't she even afraid of death?

"I don't care if you harm me. Just don't harm my friends." She asked me with pleading eyes.

I never saw a girl like her before. She's just too weird. I don't understand her. She's facing Death right in the face and she's still not afraid. Silly girl. Still thinking of other people. You live your life for yourself, not for others.

I shook my head. I will harm her friends. She turned away from me and started running. She must be frightened out of her mind.

I flashed my sword and appeared right next to her with my inhuman speed. I thrust my sword out.

My thrust went through her shoulder.

She cried out in pain.

I smiled, but I did not kill her.

Let her suffer. Let her friends worry for her. Let my revenge be taken. I kept smiling. I saw her fall down onto the ground. A twig snapped behind me.

"Tenken no Soujiro, what are you doing in Tokyo?" A puff of smoke rose above my head.

I turned around and smiled. I knew who was behind me. Hajime-san, the police I saw with Himura-san before. I had to do a lot of research on him for Shishio-san. I wiped Tsubame's blood off my sword and stuck it back into its sheath.

"I saw your action, and I know all the crimes you've committed. You're a wanted man." Hajime-san narrowed his eyes and glared at me. He pulled out his sword and raised it with his left hand. His famous position--evil, sin, slay. Hah...he's going to use THAT on me?

Of course he'll have no time to use it on me. I blurred out of his view after shrugging. I appeared on top of the roof of the restaurant.

Hajime-san couldn't find me anywhere. He threw his cigarette on the ground and stepped on it. After putting away his sword, he knelt down and picked up Tsubame. Then he walked away from the alley.

I followed him. I wanted to see what he would do. He approached the Kamiya Dojo. I guess he's going to ask the people in there for help. I snuck under the shadows again. This time I won't let any emotions show up. They won't be able to sense me.

When he went in, the man named Yahiko immediately cried out. "Tsubame! What happened?" He tried to grab Hajime-san's blue shirt, but instead fell when Hajime-san moved out of his way.

"I found her in the alley." That was Hajime-san's reply.

I wonder if he's going to tell them that it was I who hurt her? If he does, it'll be fun to see their reactions. I grinned at the notion.

Hajime-san pulled out a poster. I couldn't see what was on it from my view, but I could see that everyone was shocked by the poster. I could see Himura-san, for one, gasping. The others were cringing away from the poster, as if it were deadly. Finally, Himura-san spoke up and I knew what they had been afraid of. I laughed internally. ME They're afraid of me!

"Wanted...Seta Soujiro." Himura-san said slowly. "Seta Soujiro...I thought he had plans to wander Japan..."

Yahiko burst. "Wandering? Yeah right! Look at that wanted poster! It says he's wanted for killing tons of people! And I bet he's the one who hurt Tsubame!" Yahiko turned to Hajime-san for an answer.

The young man's turning my way. I shrunk deeper into the shadows. This conversation is getting interesting.

Hajime-san nodded to Yahiko's words. Then he started speaking. "Aren't you guys going to treat this girl here? She's getting heavy."

"Oh my! Tsubame! You're hurt!" Yahiko rushed to her side.

The person known to me as Kaoru pushed the young man out of her way. "Out of my way, Yahiko! I'll cure her!"

Yahiko stumbled but did not fall. "Damn! This is certainly a time I wish Megumi was still here! She's certainly a better doctor than that Himura Kaoru!"

Kaoru. Wasn't she the woman who defeated Kamatari of the Juppongatana? I suppose she must be pretty powerful too. I smiled again. This is becoming more of a challenge.

"Don't you agree with me, Kenshin?" Yahiko turned around while carrying Tsubame. "Kenshin?" Kenshin had left the courtyard a while ago with no one noticing but me.

I saw him leave and followed him, sneaking from the shadows. He walked towards the side of the dojo where the laundry was. I jumped up on the sides of the fence and hid under the trees, watching his every move. He's talking to his son right now. His damn son! A son with so much happiness...he doesn't belong in this world of fighting at all.

"Kenji, I want you to live a life of the new era," Kenshin smiled and ruffled Kenji's hair. Then he sighed. "Why is there so much fighting anyway?" He raised his son up by his arms and rocked him about. Then he said softly to the air, "Soujiro...you deserve to live a carefree life, not a life of murdering. Why...why are you reverting back to your old ways even though Shishio is dead already? Why?" He closed his eyes and held his son close to him.

I smiled. Do I deserve to live a carefree life? Why am I reverting back to my old ways? No, I don't deserve to live a carefree life. I don't deserve to live a carefree life because of Himura-san! I haven't had my revenge on him yet! I can't live my life if I don't defeat him. And I'm not reverting back to my old ways at all. I've always been like this. This is the real me. I continued smiling.

I stood up from my crouching position and closed my eyes. I let my hatred seep through my emotional barrier. This is something new I learned. I can control what emotions I want other people to feel. It can be very useful. Such as in a time like now. Very useful.

Himura-san immediately snapped his head up. "Who's there?"

I smiled. I won't let him see me yet. I'll just play with his senses by letting him know that an enemy is nearby. What a great way to make him miserable. Letting him know I'm here yet not letting him see me. I felt like laughing. But I can't right now. Not right now. Not when my revenge is yet to be fulfilled.

And I got up slowly to search for my next victim.

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**to be continued**


	3. part 3

Damaged Soul

a Soujiro-centric fic

by Lucathia

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**part 3**

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"Chirp, chirp! Tweeeeeeeeeet!"

I stirred from my deep slumber and tiredly opened my eyes to welcome in the warm sunlight. Grimacing at the loud bird sharing the tree I was taking cover under, I got up and stretched. The bird kept on chirping and chirping while I straightened my bloody and tattered clothes. It flew down from its perch in the tree to circle down upon me. I smiled when it landed on my shoulder and chirped in my ear. It seems like even nature and animals want to help me succeed. Gently, I pulled out my sword and raised it up into the air. The sunlight shone down upon the blade. The blade gleamed...scaring the bird away.

I kept on smiling. Such an innocent little life cannot be left in this world without any bad experiences. Everyone will always go through some bad events. As will this bird. Too bad it'll be my breakfast.

I jumped up until I was at the same height as the bird and thrust out, impaling the bird's soft body. Falling down back to the earth, I slowly sat down and held my sword in front of me. Ruby red blood glittered down my sword. I smiled as my gaze fell upon the dead bird. Such a beautiful little life ended by my sword. I gently picked at its feathers and stuck a few that were not bloody in my sleeves. I built a fire and proceeded to roast my prey.

Mother Nature fills me with so many questions. She lets animals live such weak, peaceful lives. She created them so that they could be killed. Why would she want to create life so that they can die? Weak, that's what they all are. And that's what I am not.

A voice ran out, loud and clear. What gives him the privilege to destroy my peace?

"Seta Soujiro, you don't have time to be enjoying the mornings." A black figure silhouetted by the glistening sunlight stood before me. Even though I cannot see him, I know very well who he is. I smiled. This really is funny. Why, my prey wants to die faster than I planned. Stupid.

I opened my mouth, wanting to bid him a good day. But to my surprise, no sound came out.

I shrugged. I never knew my voice was lost. It's not like I talk to myself. I guess it doesn't really matter though. I can still kill without a voice. I just have a little disability, that's all.

I stood up to look at Hajime-san in the eye. Good day, Hajime-san. But of course he can't hear me since I'm just thinking all this stuff. I held my hand out to him and smiled.

He looked me in the eye and...sat down. Now that's a surprising move for him to make. Doesn't he want to capture me for all the crimes I've committed? Running away from the police after Shishio-san's death, killing so many people from the villages, and now injuring Tsubame...those are all very enormous crimes. Doesn't he want to fulfill his responsibility? Well, I guess he's not a normal policeman.

"And now what have you been up to?" He whipped out a cigarette and lighted it. Then he leaned back against the tree trunk and let the smoke drift away towards the sun.

I shrugged again and coughed. Rubbing the smoke from my eyes, I moved away from the trail of smoke and backed away into the shade of another tree. Slowly I put my hand on my sword, ready to pull it out. Hajime-san stood up and threw his cigarette down and smothered it.

"It's a beautiful day isn't it?" Hajime-san snickered and raised his sword with his left hand. "Too bad things don't stay beautiful." He narrowed his eyes and gazed at me. He only saw a pair of glowing eyes hidden in the shade.

Without saying a word, I dashed out from the shade to arrive by Hajime-san's side. I would have said some parting words to him, but unfortunately I couldn't.

I slid to stop my momentum. I swung out my sword. He jumped back and parried, bringing his sword up to clang against mine. I stopped abruptly right in front of him and jumped up to swing downwards. Hajime-san grinned and swung upwards with deadly accuracy. He nearly pierced my skin, just nearly.

I landed behind him, holding my sword out to my side. A tiny pool of blood formed beneath the tip of my sword. Hajime-san's blood. I've scored.

I turned around slowly and kept smiling. Hajime-san panted a bit, putting pressure to his right chest with his free arm to try to stop the bleeding. He grimaced. "You've gotten better. Just a few more inches to the left and I'd be no more." I just smiled some more and inspected my sword.

Such beauty, such redness. I traced the side of my sword down, clearing a little blood away from my sword.

"Here I come, you fool!" Hajime-san flashed by me and thrust towards me.

I jumped away quickly and held my sword up straight. I pointed to the blood on my blade and smiled again. Oh, what a joy to see his expression.

He slowed down and glanced up, narrowing his eyes. He read the word I drew in his blood. "Death..."

I nodded and pointed my sword at him and grinned wildly. He's about to receive death from this crazed hunter...a crazed hunter hunting an extinct wolf.

Hajime-san snickered at me and dashed towards me again, sword ready in his famous position. "Death is for you!"

I shrugged apologetically and smiled. I bet Himura-san would be furious and full of regret when I throw Hajime-san's corpse down into that little dojo.

A slit appeared in my right sleeve because of my mind's wanderings. One of the bird's feathers I had kept drifted down. Hajime-san glanced at the blood red feather for the briefest moment, probably wondering why I have a feather in my sleeves. I smiled. This was just the moment of distraction I needed.

I struck out and stabbed him near his left chest. Funny that I'd be stabbing him and not slashing him. What a way to kill an opponent. I gave him the final blow with a technique similar to his own. I yanked my sword out with no mercy, causing more blood to gush out.

Hajime-san's blood shot eyes widened, and he gasped in pain. He fell to the ground, face down. His left hand never released the deathly grip on his sword as his right hand grasped the silky grass.

What a beautiful way to die. He gets to die with Nature.

I smiled.

I've won again.

I'm another step closer to my ultimate revenge.

And...just to say...

It really is a beautiful day.

I walked away with the ghost of a blood red bird hovering by my side.

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**to be continued**

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This was written on 1/27/01.


	4. part 4

Damaged Soul

a Soujiro-centric fic

by Lucathia

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**part 4**

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I softly stepped into the deserted streets of Tokyo. No one's awake yet. I've woken early...and had quite an early fight...a fun warm-up exercise.

_Drip._

A little droplet of water dripped on my head. Rain? Elevating my head, I noticed puffy storm clouds rolling in. What happened to the happy atmosphere that was just here a while ago? I want the weather to agree with my plan! Clenching my hands, I smiled at the sky.

Stupid...everyone's stupid! Why don't they care about me? Why? Why is Nature leaving me too?

Then the rain came down.

And I knew my plan was going to be a failure.

Nature...Mother Nature is crying for Hajime-san...

How...how can that be? Why does Nature want to stand by his side now? Why? He deserved to die...he deserved to die...because he's a friend of Himura Kenshin...because...because...

I stood there motionlessly, drowning in the pouring rain. I've lost. I can feel my failure...I can feel her tears for Hajime-sa...I smiled bitterly. Why give someone who died so much politeness? She's crying for Saitoh...and I know it because...they felt like the same ones she had cried for me when I lost my innocence...

...when I first killed.

What's wrong with killing? Those people deserved to die...they did! I'm not doing anything wrong. They are the corrupted ones! They deserved to die...I laughed grimly to myself. Damn. I'm not convincing myself at all. I've just been repeating the same stuff over and over again...They deserved to die...don't they?

I snapped out of my weird thoughts when I heard extremely cheerful laughter. I immediately snuck behind the wooden barrels. I don't want anyone to see me so...depressed.

"I'm finally home!" a loud voice boomed over the barren streets.

That voice sounds familiar to me...have I heard it before somewhere? He sounds like...someone I know. I peeked from behind the barrels and grinned when I saw who stood before me.

A tall, stocky figure with a fishbone dangling in his mouth...My eyes trailed up to his spiky brown hair and his crimson headband. I noticed a rough beard sprouting from his chin.

Sagara Sanosuke...older, yet still the same.

Maybe Mother Nature left me, but luck certainly has not. I'd never give up on my revenge...no matter what! And I will never let the same thoughts that have made me lose to Himura-san before haunt me again!

Sneaking as quietly as I could in this pouring rain, I finally rooted myself behind his back without him noticing. This is the perfect chance for revenge. Killing Saitoh does not agitate Himura-san that much...they weren't that close even though they knew each other longer than all the rest. Himura-san is still closer to Sagara-san than any other guy...

Without a second thought, I placed my hands on his shoulder. He jerked immediately.

"What?" He turned his head quickly and just saw my smiling face. "S-Seta Soujiro! What are you doing here?" He started to brush my hands off but I did not let go.

Slowly, I moved my hands up towards his neck. When I finally reached my destination, I squeezed as hard as I could.

"Le...let..me.e..gooooo!" Sagara-san choked out these words while I started strangling him. I smiled widely. People look best when suffering. He struggled more against me. I felt him slowly loosening my grip, so I prepared to pull out my sword.

Just when I was about to let go and pull out my sword to kill him in a single strike, he stopped pulling at my hands and instead, grabbed my hilt with his left hand. "ARGH!!" Sagara-san yelled as he pushed my hands away from his neck. I fell backwards but managed to catch myself before I hit the wet floor. My eyes widened in surprise as a red mark slowly appeared on my left thigh. My gaze trailed up and I found my sword held in Sagara-san's hands.

He stood there scowling. "Damn you, what were you trying to do, strangle me? Che!" He turned his head and spit on the ground. "Do you think I'd lose a hand to hand fight with a weak swordsman like you? Yeah right!" He clenched his fists and grounded his teeth.

I lay, sprawled against the wet floor, getting rained upon by the sky who abandoned me. A wide grin started spreading over my face and wild, uncontrollable, "silent" laughter poured out of my mouth.

Sagara-san just stood there, his face blank.

I kept laughing and laughing my silent laughs. When I sat up again, I continued laughing hysterically. This is just too funny! This must have been the funniest thing on earth! I've beaten so many...no...uncountable numbers of highly skilled swordsman...and I lost...the second battle I ever lost...I lost towards this weakling? I grabbed my stomach as wracks of laugher surged through me again. Oh great, what was I thinking?

Laughing weakly, I stood up, not caring about all the mud on my already tattered clothes. When will my voice ever come back?

Sagara-san looked at me weirdly. He must think I'm crazy for laughing those "silent" laughs. And why was I laughing in the first place anyway? Then he spoke up again.

"You don't need to try anything on me. I know you can't do anything without your sword." He held up my sword for justification. I shrugged. I might not be able to do much harm without my sword, but I'm certainly not useless. Besides, I would never lose to the likes of him. Tapping the ground with my feet, I prepared my next attack.

_Shukuchi_(1)! I thought loudly in my mind as my lips parted and no words came out. I vanished through the pelting rain, indenting the uneven ground with heavy wounds. Sagara-san stood there, mouth wide open, spinning around wildly, trying to find where I was.

I gallopedright into his back as he turned around. I jumped up to kick him in the face. _ Seiten no Keishuku_ (2)! Sagara-san was stunned for a minute at how strong my kick was. Of course I'd be a powerful kicker. If I can run so fast, then that means I must have extremely powerful legs. I threw countless kicks at his left arm, freeing my sword from his grasp. It fell onto the wet ground with a loud clang before I flung it into my hands with my feet. Catching the hilt with my right hand, I extended my sword straight at Sagara-san's face.

It's payback time!

Sagara-san stood there, extreme shock etched into his face. He slowly lowered his head to look at his left hand. Of course my sword wasn't in his hands anymore. He's doomed; he can't win against me. I stuck my sword back into its sheath. I'm ready for the last attack.

Just as I disappeared from the human eye, a cheerful voice ran out.

"Aoishi-sama! We've finally arrived in Tokyo! Let's go find Himura and get ready for that big reunion(3) he mentioned!" A girlish voice yapped.

I didn't stop at that voice. I don't care if anyone sees me killing Sagara-san. I'll just finish them off together. Then, there won't be any more witnesses left alive. Thinking this, I bounced off the barrels and pushed off with great force to propel myself even faster. With my hand on my hilt, I appeared right next to Sagara-san...and

_Shun ten satsu_(4)!

He fell.

And the sky continued weeping.

"Oh no, Sagara!!" I finally turned around to see a girl with a long braid. She was clad in a blue ninja outfit. She ran towards Sagara-san's fallen body. A tall man dressed in a long trench coat ran along with her.

Makimachi Misao and Shinomori Aoshi.

So they came to attend Himura-san's so called reunion. Well, they'll get a nice reunion--they'll get a "death" reunion! I'm sure they're all going to get a nice reunion in the afterlife.

Smiling mockingly, I stuck my sword back in its sheath and leaned back against the wall. I'll let them take the first step.

She nudged Sagara-san's still body over and over again. "Sagara, wake up! Don't lie here!" She shook him ferociously as tears started to well up in her eyes. "You can't be dead...no..." Shinomori-san gently placed his hands on her shoulders as she continued to shake him.

"Misao...he's gone." Shinomori-san said softly.

Makimachi-san stood up slowly, letting her bangs cover her streaming eyes. "No...he's not gone...he can't be..." Abruptly she snapped her head up and gave me a deadly stare.

"I'll make you pay, Seta Soujiro!"

All I did was grin.

This is getting even more exciting.

* * *

**to be continued**

* * *

(1) _Shukuchi_- This is the "reduced earth" technique that Soujiro is most famous for.

(2) _ Seiten no Keishuku_- This means "celebration of clear skies" if I translated it right. In my fic, Soujiro is very nature-loving, and he got angry when it started raining...so it'd make sense that he'd be happy if the sky is clear...so let's celebrate! It's a new move I made up for him.

(3) The reunion! - This was first mentioned at the very beginning of part two. This fic is sort of set before that little scene in Kenshin Kaden where everyone comes to the picnic except for Sanosuke and Saitoh. I borrowed the notion of a reunion from that, but here both Sanosuke and Saitoh came to the reunion as well.

(4) _ Shun ten satsu_- Soujiro's famous succession technique even though it wasn't successful in his fight with Kenshin

This part was written on 1/31/01.


	5. part 5

Damaged Soul

a Soujiro-centric fic

by Lucathia

* * *

**part 5**

* * *

I grinned wildly when I saw her glare.

Makimachi-san glared at me with such malevolence that my heart started pounding faster. Her glare reminded me of Yumi-neesan. My lips started curling up at the thought of Yumi-neesan. It's weird how Makimachi-san would remind me of her. I thought she and Shishio-san were long gone from my mind...I guess not.

Makimachi-san kept glaring at me with burning hatred in her eyes. My hands started sweating but I continued to grin. Weird...why are my hands sweating?

When she started walking towards me, I began shuddering. Why am I reacting so weird? As she got closer and readied to attack me, I shivered and my heart pounded even faster. There's something wrong with me...something terribly wrong.

Shinomori-san muttered something and pulled out his two knives and started a flow around me. I didn't even hear what he said. I didn't even notice him circling around me. My whole attention was focused on the girl in front of me. Why...why can't I move?

When she stood there with her penetrating eyes staring into my soul, my mind flipped over.

_Are you a customer?_

What's happening to me? My head...hurts so much!

_You must be a wandering samurai._

I see so much pain in your eyes.

No...no, I don't want to hear that again!

NOOOO!

I yelled out with all my strength. Still, no sound came out. What's happening to me? Why am I starting to remember Tsubame?

_I don't care if you harm me...just don't harm my friends!_

I felt like screaming. What's happening to my brain? Yumi-neesan...can you tell me if what I'm doing is right? Images started flashing in my mind--images of the hated childhood I had, images of Shishio-san teaching me "the strong survive while the weak die," images of killing my adopted family, images running a whole bunch of errands for Shishio-san, images gathering the Juppongatana, images of battling Himura-san and losing, images of hearing of Yumi-neesan's death, images of journeying north, images of killing more and more people, images of hurting Tsubame...my head throbbed and throbbed. I clawed at my head trying to block out all the thoughts hurled at my brain.

What is that Makimachi girl doing to me?

"How dare you harm my friends!" Makimachi-san yelled at me.

_Don't harm my friends!_

Too many, I'm bearing too many memories. This is not the time for battle.

And so...I tried jumping up onto the roof to escape from the two...but I forgot about Shinomori-san.

"You can't get away!" Shinomori-san jumped up nimbly behind me and slashed at me with his short swords. I barely escaped in my daze and fell down upon the fallen Sagara-san.

"Get away from Sagara, you creep!" Makimachi-san yelled at me and charged at me with her full speed. "I'm not going to let you disturb him anymore!"

She pulled out three darts and threw them towards me. "I'm gonna get you for all the harm you've caused!"

I scrambled up to get away from the bloody body of Sagara and managed to roll away from the darts. One of the steel weapons grazed my cheek as it whistled pass me dangerously. _ Seiten no Keishuku!_ I planted my firm kick onto the ground and pushed myself away from the wet ground with the force. Just as another dart sailed precariously next to me, I landed on the slippery rooftops and panted. I slowly turned my head...risking one last look...

I saw Sagara-san's body lying in a pool of crimson blood...The rain fell gently around him, bathing and cleansing him of his worries. Wait...are my eyes deceiving me?

I blinked my eyes and stared harder. I think I saw him move.

Shaking my head, I turned to leave, but not before seeing Makimachi-san throw another dart.

_Yumi-neesan!_

I gazed numbly as the dart hit my left shoulder. Blood oozed out...but I could not feel it at all. I slumped dazedly off the other side of the roof and collapsed in the pelting rain.

Why is Tsubame reminding me of Yumi-neesan? Why is Makimachi-san reminding me of her? Why...why is every girl and woman reminding me of Yumi? I can't go on like this...

I can't go on like this...

An apparition of a beautiful woman wearing a silky kimono that draped over her bare shoulders knelt next to me. She managed to smile and frown at me with her serpent colored lips at the same time.

Yumi-neesan...why are you torturing me?

The sky continued to weep for Sagara and Saitoh...and the last thought I had before I blacked out...

Will Mother Nature ever weep for me again?

* * *

**to be continued**

* * *

This part was written on 2/12/01.


	6. part 6

Damaged Soul

a Soujiro-centric fic

by Lucathia

* * *

**part 6**

* * *

Black. That's all I see. No colors are swirling in my mind. All I see is black. Am I unconscious? Am I dead?

Heat is all I feel. So hot! I'm burning from the heat. How did Shi-shio-san bear the flames? It's so hot. I'm wilting. What's this heavy presence I feel on me? I'm suffocating. I can't breathe.

What's this coolness I feel on my forehead? It feels so nice. Keep the heat away from me! The coolness is leaving. The heat is coming back.

"No, don't leave me!"

I reached my hand out to capture the coolness. It felt so nice!

What is this coolness? I slowly forced my eyes open to see. A blurred image of red feathers came into my sight. I closed my eyes again.

No. I will not remember. Please no more red feathers for me. I didn't mean to kill them. I had to kill them. I need my revenge. I needed to harm them. I'm not in the wrong. They are. They're the ones who are wrong. One who does not kill can never be in the right.

With these thoughts in mind, I opened my eyes again. This time I saw a redheaded boy with sparkling purple eyes sitting far, far away from me. He looked at me with defiance and padded away with the wet cloth he had used to cool me down.

When his footsteps sounded in the corridor outside, another pair of feet entered with him. I looked up wearily. It's Himura-san. I opened my mouth to greet him, and to my surprise, I had my voice back. Why is that? Why can I speak again?

"Morning, Himura-san." My voice cracked with disuse. I can hardly recognize my own voice anymore.

"You're awake, Soujiro." Himura-san's face showed no trace of welcome, nor any signs of scorn. His face was without emotion. He wasn't smiling, nor was he frowning. He reminded me of myself at the moment. I always have on a mask. I can usually keep my feelings from surfacing...why is it that I can't do that right now?

I sat there in silence after those few words. Himura-san stopped speaking to me. He turned his back to me and faced the window. All was silent--too silent. I closed my eyes and lay back down. I'm sick and tired of this world. Extracting my revenge isn't that great. I know I can defeat all and every single one of those weaklings, but Yumi-neesan won't let me.

That's the thing. She won't let me kill them. She doesn't want to see me smother my life with revenge. But the thing is, she doesn't understand. She doesn't understand how important revenge is! Himura was the one who led Shishio-san to his death. Himura was the one who led Shishio-san to kill Yumi-neesan. Himura was the one who broke me. He's the cause of all the confusion in my life.

And so he's the one who needs to suffer.

First, it'll be his friends. Then his family. When he's the only one left, he won't even have a will to live on anymore.

Footsteps. I opened my eyes and turned my head slightly. I saw Himura-san's boy tug at Himura's sleeve. That boy wants his father to leave, but the father won't. Why is that? Why won't he just leave his deadliest enemy here to sleep to death? Doesn't he know what it means if he saves me?

His payment will be his death. I don't care how cruel people think I am. Weak people deserve to die. Himura is weak. He's weaker than every single person in the whole world. He can't even protect his own family.

I slowly reached a hand towards my sheath. Touching the familiar handle, I felt a surge of warmth flow through me. My sword is all I have. At least they didn't take it away from me. This is another one of Himura's stupid ways. If he took away my sword, he wouldn't have had to die.

I rose up quickly. Himura sensed me and turned around, still with no emotion in his eyes. His son clung to him, both scared and angry at me at the same time.

I pull out my sword, ready to run both of them through and just be done with it. I have to change my plan now. I don't have time to kill all of Himura's friends and family. I should just kill him right now.

Just as I took the first step, I collapsed again. My body writhed with fever. The heat conquered my entire being. I couldn't even move my arm.

Himura just walked over calmly and pulled me back under the blankets.

Stupid fever. Stupid rain. Stupid dart. If it weren't because of Mother Nature's folly causing me to catch a cold, I could have killed every single person here. They would never had lived long enough to see another day.

It's all Mother Nature's fault. Stupid fever.

With that, I lapsed into unconsciousness again. Don't laugh at me, Shishio-san. I'm not weak...Mother Nature just doesn't favor me. You can ask Yumi-neesan about that.

* * *

**to be continued**


	7. part 7

Damaged Soul

a Soujiro-centric fic

by Lucathia

* * *

**part 7**

* * *

The boy lapsed into unconsciousness again. Kenshin sighed and straightened his back. He made sure Soujiro had wet towels before he walked towards the door.

"No!!"

Kenshin paused in his tracks, motioning for his son to leave. Kenji looked up at him for a moment and left without any words of questioning. Kenshin looked back at Soujiro, who was thrashing wildly. He shook his head, carefully listening to the fitful boy.

"NO!!" Another scream sounded throughout the room. Kenshin gazed pitifully at Soujiro.

"No...Yumi-neesan...don't leave me, won't you forgive me?" Kenshin's eyes widened at the mention of Yumi's name. Wasn't she the woman who died for Shishio? Kenshin glanced at Soujiro and turned around to leave.

One last whimper was heard from the boy. "I wish I can go with you, Yumi-neesan. Just don't leave me alone."

* * *

Kenshin walked into the room next to Soujiro's and gazed despairingly at Sanosuke's limp form. Kaoru sat next to Sanosuke with her head buried in her arms. No doctor was able to come and Kaoru had to make the best of what little skills she had.

Kenshin walked up to Kaoru, placed his hands reassuringly on her shoulders, and knelt down next to her. "Don't worry. He'll be all right. He's strong."

Kaoru lifted her head slowly and found herself in Kenshin's embrace. Her eyes glistened with tears that would not fall because they were not meant to. "He doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve this! He shouldn't be lying on the bed like a dead man! He just came back, Kenshin. He just came back! We haven't even talked to him yet. We haven't talked to him in five years! How dare that guy ruin Sanosuke's life. How dare he..." Kaoru's tears finally found their way down her cheeks, and she cried freely. "He doesn't deserve this..."

Kenshin smoothed her hair and tried to rock her a bit. "Hush, Kaoru. He'll be all right. Just wait. He'll be all right. He's strong. Megumi's coming soon, for the reunion. She'll know what to do. She'll know."

Kaoru nodded and sat with her husband in the silent room. Kenshin sat with her, enjoying what little peace they had. Suddenly, Yahiko's voice broke through their silence.

"Kenshin!"

Kenshin, hearing his name being called with such force, ran out of the room as quickly as he could without disturbing Sanosuke. "What is it?" The sight he saw disturbed him greatly.

Misao and Aoshi knelt down next to the body Yahiko brought in. After setting down his bundle, Yahiko faced the wall angrily.

When Kenshin finally saw the hurt person, he discovered it was Saitou. A deep pain coursed through Kenshin's body. Saitou must have been hurt when he was tracking down Soujiro. How many people had he hurt? How had he turned out this way?

Yahiko punched the wall hard. "Damn! Damn that Soujiro! He hurt so many people. He hurt Saitou and Tsubame. He HURT Tsubame!" Yahiko whirled around to face Kenshin. "Who else is he going to hurt?"

Kenshin lowered his gaze, observing the deep gash near Saitou's heart. Misao tried her best to wrap his wounds. "Yahiko, Soujiro almost killed Sanosuke."

The boy samurai blinked hard and yelled loudly. "WHAT? HE HURT SANOSUKE TOO?"

Yahiko pushed past Kenshin and dashed into the guest room that was prepared for Sanosuke. He burst into the room and saw Sanosuke motionless on the bed. Yahiko's face filled with emotion. "SANOSUKE!"

Kaoru gazed at Yahiko with urgency. "Shhh!! Please don't wake him up. He's hurt so seriously."

Yahiko immediately shut his mouth but the hatred in his eyes refused to leave. He knelt down next to Sanosuke, stayed there for a few milliseconds, and got up stiffly. He pushed past Kenshin and stomped angrily into the courtyard with Kenshin following right behind him.

"Don't do it." Kenshin's calm, soft voice sounded dead and tired, but it was still sharp to Yahiko's ears.

Still, Yahiko tuned out Kenshin's words and walked up to a tree. He punched the tree hard, causing hundreds of leaves to drift down. In the flash of a second, Yahiko pulled out his sakabatou, turned it over, and sliced through every single leaf.

"That's what I'm going to do to that devil." Yahiko stuck the sakabatou back into its sheath forcefully. The dead leaves lay limp in the dirt.

"Don't do it." Kenshin remained persistent, standing in front of Yahiko and blocking his way.

Yahiko tapped his right foot in frustration. "Why are you stopping me?" His eyes blazed with fury, anger, hurt, bewilderment, and a hundred other emotions mixed together. His eyes glared dangerously at Kenshin.

Kenshin didn't reply to Yahiko's question for a moment. He hesitated, unsure of how to persuade Yahiko to stop acting rashly. Finally, Kenshin knew exactly why he didn't want Yahiko acting this way.

"I don't want you to be driven by revenge!"

Silence.

Yahiko averted his own gaze from Kenshin's intense, yet caring one. His chin was set at a stubborn angle. His shoulders and legs were flexing, ready for combat at any moment. His right hand was placed at a comforting spot on the hilt of his sword.

"I'm not revenge-driven. It's just that he hurt so many of our friends."

Kenshin shook his head, equally as stubborn. "What about that?"

At Kenshin's words, Yahiko looked up sharply. "What do you mean, 'what about that?' Don't you care what happens to everyone else? Don't you know how he could of killed all of us? Don't you know HE DESERVES TO PAY?" Yahiko's voice got louder and louder as his fury grew.

Kenshin's face took on a serious expression. "I don't ever want to hear you say anyone deserves to pay. I know how much pain you feel because Sanosuke, Saitou, and Tsubame are hurt. I know how much pain you feel because they're my friends too. I'm not uncaring. It's not that I don't think Soujiro should be punished, but you know the result of revenge, don't you?"

Yahiko looked down again.

Kenshin continued on. "Enishi wanted revenge. That's what got us into so much trouble just some time ago. And you know why Soujiro is hurting all of our beloved ones? It's because he wants revenge. You don't have control over your own feelings or actions when you're vengeful. Revenge does! If it weren't because Soujiro was so intent on revenge, he wouldn't have hurt any of our friends."

Kenshin paused for a second and lowered his voice. "You know how cruel revenge is...so don't ever let revenge control your life. And...don't ever let revenge damage your soul." With those words, Kenshin went back into the dojo to leave Yahiko to ponder his thoughts on his own.

Yahiko turned his back to the dojo and sat down on the ground. Looking up at the now clear sky, he hugged his knees and traced his finger through the dirt. "I'm not driven by revenge..." he whispered softly, suddenly more like the little boy he used to be, the boy who always wanted to help in battle but couldn't do much. He finally became a great swordsman, thinking he'd be able to protect his friends and help...but now, it seemed that he wasn't much of a help after all.

"I guess I'm pretty useless." Yahiko rubbed the dirt off his hands, contemplating the situation, when suddenly a feminine voice sounded behind him.

"No, you are not useless."

Yahiko whirled around at that voice. He knew that voice too well. The voice belonged to the girl he wanted to protect. It belonged to the girl he liked for so long. It belonged to the sweet girl who was always by his side when he needed her. It belonged to the girl he failed to protect...but last of all, it belonged to the girl he loved.

"Tsubame!" Yahiko immediately embraced the girl.

"Ouch..." She winced slightly when Yahiko accidentally brushed her wounded shoulder.

Yahiko's eyes widened and he started apologizing and stuttering. "I-I'm sor-rry! Have I h-hurt you?" He would never intentionally hurt the one he cared so much about.

Tsubame smiled shyly. "It's okay. The wound's not that deep. I'm just not used to getting hurt, that's all. If I were more like you guys, I would have healed faster. It's just a small wound."

Yahiko didn't believe her.

"Really, it is! I don't feel hurt anymore." Tsubame tried to convince Yahiko that she was fine, but Yahiko still led her into the dojo to rest more. Right when they entered the room, Misao and Aoshi stopped their conversation, but Yahiko heard part of it...and he WAS not pleased at all.

"YOU MEAN SOUJIRO IS STAYING IN THE GUEST ROOM??" Yahiko's eyes bulged and his fists shook.

Misao played with her braid nervously, having never seen Yahiko this furious before. The last time she saw him he was still a little boy with little skills, but now, right now she could sense the power in the man in front of her. And, oh, boy was his kenki frightening. And so that's why Aoshi spoke for her.

"He's in the guestroom. I carried him there after he fainted from Misao's dart and a fever."

Yahiko never heard the second sentence, for he had already sped toward the hallway.

"DAMN YOU SOUJIRO!"

Everyone sweatdropped. It seemed that Kenshin's reasoning and persuading hadn't helped much.

* * *

**to be continued**

* * *

**A/N:** I hope the third person POV here doesn't feel too out of place...


	8. part 8

Damaged Soul

a Soujiro-centric fic

by Lucathia

* * *

**part 8**

* * *

What do I see? Nothing...nothing at all. My world started from emptiness and it'll end in emptiness. When have I ever found happiness? All I feel is pain, loneliness, anguish...no one ever cared about me. No one ever wanted to even try to understand what I've gone through. I'm all alone.

Is this the end? Am I fated to die? Why do things have to go this way? Haven't I tried already? Haven't I tried to endure all the pain? Isn't that enough? Why isn't it enough? Other people never had to feel what I feel. They never had to feel all this. They weren't ever alone. Not like me. They never had to suffer what I suffered. That's why they don't understand...they just don't, and they can't.

They left me. Yumi-neesan and Shishio-san left me. They left me all alone. Why did they leave me here to suffer? I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be friendless. They were the only family I had...and Himura just had to kill them. It's all his fault. Yeah...it's all his fault...silly me. Even if I say it again and again, I can't actually convince myself that it is his fault.

But I did convince myself at one point. Wasn't that why I harmed all those people? I wanted revenge. I wanted to see people suffer the same way I did and the same way I still do. There's nothing wrong with that.

_Of course there's something wrong with that!_

A deep, seducing, feminine voice vibrated through my mind. I know it's you, Yumi-neesan. I can never forget your voice. You...you were like the mother I never knew...well, if you think "mother" is too old, then fine, you were like the sister I never had.

_Tsk, tsk. Calling me old, are you?_

But WHY are you stopping me from extracting revenge? Even if Himura wasn't directly involved with your death, he was the one who caused you pain!

_(Sigh)..Don't be vengeful, Sou-chan. I want you to be innocent._

Don't be vengeful. Be innocent? But I can't...I cannot NOT be vengeful! It's the goal of my life. Without this revenge, I have no point in living on. In fact, I don't even want to live anymore. Life holds no appeal for me. And...when was I ever innocent?

_You still are innocent, my dear little Sou-chan. You have always been innocent in my heart._

Yumi-neesan...you mean so much to me. Why did you have to die? I can't live without you! I can't...I can't go on.

_Good bye, Soujiro, till the day we meet again._

"NO!!"

_If you keep going on like this, I won't want to see you again._

"No, Yumi-neesan...don't leave me, won't you forgive me?"

_Live your life to the fullest dear. I have my own life after death to live. I can't tend you forever._

"I wish I can go with you, Yumi-neesan. Just don't leave me alone."

_Live your life...make me proud...don't be vengeful._

* * *

It's all black again. I'm stuck in this world between life and death, certainty and uncertainty. Why can't some unknown force just finish me off and be done with it? Why do I still have to be hovering in this situation. Yumi-neesan...you didn't take me with you. You should have...you really should have.

"Yumi-neesan!" I shouted with all of my might, finally snapping awake. My eyes are so blurry, I can't even see. I blinked, trying to clear my eyes...but then, I felt moisture on my hands. Wha..what is this? Me, crying? Im-impossible, but it was the truth, and now that I started, I don't know if I can stop anymore.

I huddled closer to the blanket and tried to hide under it to muffle my sobs. I couldn't stop my tears anymore. I sobbed. I cried. I let it all out. I finally understand how much Yumi-neesan meant to me. I don't know why I never saw this before and now that I have, she's gone already. Too late for me to tell her how much she means to me.

Or maybe it's not too late. If I join her in her world...then I can tell her.

Slowly, I pulled out my sword, taking in the sight of blood on the blade. Sagara Sanosuke's blood. I never got a chance to wipe the sword clean since I passed out right next to him. The dried blood looked so appealing before...but why is it that I feel so disgusted by it now? Was...was what I felt before really joy? Did I really kill for joy?

Now...how would it feel if I executed the same pain to myself as I have to the other people? I have no point of staying in this world...Yumi-neesan doesn't want me to hurt anyone. She doesn't want revenge. She took away my only direction in life. I feel so lost now! What should I do?

Closing my eyes slowly, I smiled slightly and ran my very own blade across my left wrist. A slit of red appeared. Blood painfully oozed out and trickled down my arm. My smile grew and I readied my sword, pointing it above my stomach.

Here I come, Yumi-neesan!

I closed out all sounds, all sight, focusing only on the sword. This will be the last minute of my life. My arms started to move towards my stomach and then-

The door burst open, but I did not notice it. My sword was about to end my life but...

"What do you think you're doing!?"

A hand jerked my sword away from me. I rose my burning eyes to meet those piercing eyes demanding an answer out of me.

"I'd never let you die that easily, Soujiro! You have too much to pay for!" Yahiko threw my sword over his back and my eyes trailed it until it pierced the other side of the wall.

There goes my chance of seeing Yumi-neesan. There goes my chance of leaving this hateful world...and there goes my chance of...of being forgiven by all those people I've harmed.

_Drip._**_  
_**

I wish I could convince myself that...that these are not tears...but how can I lie to myself again?

* * *

**to be continued**


	9. part 9

Damaged Soul

a Soujiro-centric fic

by Lucathia

* * *

**part 9**

* * *

"Damn you Soujiro!" Right after Yahiko yelled that, he ran all the way across the dojo to the guest room and burst into the room. Why should they save a person who was a cold-blooded killer? Then...the sight he saw in the room came as a shock...but he acted without one second of delay. Even though he hated Soujiro...he was still a living person. Yahiko would never stay motionless and let anyone take away their own life. That was why Yahiko had to stop Soujiro's senseless actions.

"What do you think you're doing!?" Yahiko rushed over to Soujiro's side and quickly jerked away the bloodstained sword, throwing it over his back. He glared at Soujiro...who was watching his sword pierce the other side of the wall. Yahiko kept his hateful gaze on Soujiro, waiting for Soujiro to meet his eyes, waiting for Soujiro to explain what he was doing.

The pair of cold, gray eyes that met his gaze was another shock--

--for these were not eyes Yahiko was used to seeing. They were blank, void of any feeling. They were just...empty. Yahiko couldn't see anything in those pair of eyes, not even bloodlust. Soujiro's face was a perfect mask--blank eyes and an unnerving smile.

And...Soujiro's eyes were a bit swollen too...could he have been...crying?

Yahiko stared at Soujiro for what seemed like such a long time...until a trickle ran down Soujiro's cheek. It was a tear.

It was Soujiro who looked away first. He didn't make any movement to wipe away his tears. He just stared at his bloodied hand. That was the first time Yahiko noticed that Soujiro's left hand was slowly leaking his life away...and here Yahiko was, staring dumbly at the guy!

"So...so I guess you were crying?" Yahiko tried just to say something to cover up the disturbing silence.

Soujiro didn't respond at all.

Yahiko turned around desperately, looking for something to wrap Soujiro's hand, finally noticing all the people who were standing outside of room.

* * *

Misao quickly ran to get Kenshin and Kaoru to stop Yahiko from killing Soujiro while Aoshi followed closely behind Yahiko. When all four of them reached the guest room, they noticed Yahiko staring at Soujiro. Misao's eyes quickly scanned the room, taking note of Soujiro's sword stuck on the side of the wall. She also saw blood coming out of Soujiro's wrist. She made a move to get in to stop the bleeding, but Aoshi motioned for her to stop.

"So...so I guess you were crying?"

Misao looked at Yahiko. Couldn't he have thought of something better to say? Asking if someone was crying at a time like this...wasn't such a good idea.

Just like she thought, Soujiro didn't respond at all. She wanted to rush in and smack some sense into the two of them, but Aoshi was trying to prevent her from entering. Finally, Yahiko turned around and saw the four of them standing in the doorway.

"Took you long enough to see us!" Misao said immediately. "I'll get bandages!" She spun around, ready to get bandages, but Kaoru was already holding a wad of them.

"Here you go."

Misao blinked as Kaoru handed the bandages to her. "Although I'd never forgive him for hurting Sanosuke, I don't want to see him die. I don't know if I can refrain from hitting him, so would you please wrap his hand for us? I don't feel Yahiko can do this without feeling hatred so intense that he would hurt Soujiro rather than help him. You're the only one who could do this. Aoshi and Kenshin are too much of fighters to tend to him."

Misao took the bandages reluctantly and went up to Soujiro. She whispered quietly. "Do you know how much you've hurt us?"

Soujiro didn't respond at all. His smile looked as if it was pasted onto his face.

Misao bit her lips and lifted his hand up, gingerly wrapping the bandages tight enough to slow his circulation. She applied pressure to his shoulder to stop the bleeding.

Tsubame stood in the doorway, tugging Kaoru's shirt timidly. "Kaoru-san, Megumi-san is here." Kaoru's eyes lit up, and she started walking towards the main room. Boy, this was probably the first time she was ever happy to see Megumi!

"Megumi! You're here finally!" Kaoru pulled Megumi into the dojo. "You don't know how glad I am to see you! Soujiro...you know, the Tenken? He wounded Tsubame and almost killed Saitou!"

"W-what?" Megumi was entirely surprised by both Kaoru's eagerness at seeing her and also the shocking news.

"Megumi, you have to help them! Even Sanosuke's hurt!"

Megumi's eyes widened. "Sanosuke's hurt!? Where is he? Lead me to him! Quick!"

Kaoru smiled. _I think our troubles are going to be solved soon._

* * *

Kenshin stood in the doorway with Aoshi, watching Misao wrap Soujiro's hand. He felt...he felt overly worried about Soujiro. He recognized that blank look in Soujiro's eyes. It was the look of a person with no point to live on. Kenshin experienced it himself not so long ago when he thought Kaoru was lost to him forever.

That time, the only reason he lived on was because he had friends. But did Soujiro have friends who could help him through this ordeal? Kenshin glanced at Yahiko. Yahiko stood there, looking away from Soujiro. At least Yahiko's hatred had dissipated. Yahiko finally understood that hating a person wasn't as important as liking a person. Hatred and revenge didn't solve anything.

Kenshin looked back at Soujiro's blank eyes. How might he help Soujiro reawaken his spirit? How might all of them help Soujiro coop with his damaged soul?

There had to be a way...there had to be.

* * *

After Megumi tended to Sanosuke's wounds, she heaved a sigh of relief. "His wounds are pretty deep, but I'm sure he'll survive. If I got here any later...I might not have been able to say the same." Her lower lip trembled but she blinked away her tears. "I haven't seen him for such a long time. I haven't been able to talk to him at all! Why, why did this have to happen to him?"

Kaoru sat next to Megumi, quietly listening to Megumi's words. Finally, she said softly and slowly, as if trying to piece out what she wanted to say.

"No one wants this to happen. I'm sure that even though Soujiro might not know it...but deep down inside his heart he really didn't want to hurt anyone. If he did, then Sanosuke might have been dead already. I didn't notice this earlier...but I think that's the truth. If his wound had been any deeper..."

Megumi looked at Kaoru and looked down. "I don't know if you're right, but I wish I could believe that."

* * *

Yahiko stared at the other wall. What should he do? He hated seeing people cry. He hated to see people get hurt. He hated the sight of blood. Yahiko closed his eyes and felt a warm pair of arms encircling him.

"I know how you feel."

Yahiko kept his eyes closed and held on to her soft hands. "Tsubame..."

"Why don't you help solve his problems?"

Yahiko opened his eyes slowly. "What do you mean by that?"

"Can't you see...that he's lonely? He needs friends...that's the only way we can help him, the only way we can heal his soul."

Yahiko turned around. "You don't hate him because he hurt you?" Tsubame shook her head and smiled encouragingly.

"I know he's a good person. He could have hurt me even worse, but he didn't."

* * *

"So...so I guess you were crying?"

Yeah, I was crying...but how does that matter now? The thing is...why am I still living? Shouldn't I be dead? I should...I should be dead, but I'm not. Yahiko prevented me from killing myself. And now that Makimachi girl is wrapping my wrist. They just won't let me die.

I already lost all of my energy. My eyes are on the same spot, seeing nothing at all. I can't even feel the pain my wrist is in. I can't even feel how strained my smile is. I've already lost all of my senses of this world. It's a dead world to me. There's no point in living on.

"Do you know how much you've hurt us?"

I barely heard her words, but she said them. She asked me if I knew how much I hurt her friends. I knew of course. I thought I wanted them to feel pain, but is that what I really wanted? I feel...so empty now. There's no pleasure in hurting people...only pain. I've given myself so much pain. Every stab, every slice, every kill imprinted itself heavily on my soul.

I feel so...so heavy, so weighted down with guilt. I never felt this guilt before...or have I? I never realized this emotion as guilt, but now I know. I never ever knew...

I never knew guilt can feel so horrible.

* * *

Kenji watched the police's chest rise and lower. Why was the police just lying there, not getting up? Usually, people would get up and talk to him, but ever since the guy with the dangerous sword came, people stopped talking to him. Why was that?

"St-stop staring at me, kid."

Kenji immediately laid his eyes on the police who was gasping for breath. "You're awake, ojisan!"

"Yes, I'm awake. Isn't that obvious? Now get me some water, will you?"

Kenji immediately headed to get water.

* * *

Aoshi watched Misao tend to Soujiro. He felt many emotions right now. Part of him wanted Misao to help the guy who was so much like him from before. He wanted Misao to help Soujiro come back, but another part of him just wanted to snatch Misao away from the dangerous boy. He wanted to hold on to Misao...but he wanted to let her go too. He depended on her too much. Without her, he'd be lost. She was his only lifesaver in a treacherous ocean.

Wouldn't it be better if he stopped depending on her so much?

"Don't you think he's a lot like us when we were younger?"

Aoshi nodded at Kenshin's words. "Too much...just too much alike."

* * *

"Sanosuke! You're awake!" Megumi immediately flung herself at him.

Kaoru winced, imagining all the scars Megumi must be reopening with this kind of behavior.

"I'm so sorry, Sanosuke!" Megumi pulled back and rewrapped Sanosuke's wounds. "I'm sorry for hurting you." She lowered her eyes.

Sanosuke blinked and held out his hands to left her chin up. "I hope you aren't crying over me. I'm not dead, you know."

Kaoru smiled and sneaked outside.

* * *

No point in living on. There's no point in living on. Life has no meaning. Why should I live on...Why should I sit here...why should I stay innocent...why should I...

_Live your life...make me proud...don't be vengeful._

Yumi-neesan...yes...for her...I have to live on. For her and only for her.

* * *

**to be continued**

* * *

A/N: Just one more part to go and that's the end of the fic.

Review please.


	10. part 10

Damaged Soul

a Soujiro-centric fic

by Lucathia

* * *

**part 10**

* * *

Megumi smiled at Sanosuke as he gently pushed her away. He's alive! Megumi got up and quickly hid her smile. "Well, now that you're awake, I'll be tending the other patients."

Sanosuke's head snaped up at the words 'other patients.' "What other patients??"

Megumi bit her lips. "I don't know for sure since I just got here, but Kaoru said that Saitou and Tsubame were hurt. Tsubame's only slightly hurt but Saitou...well..."

"Well what?"

"He's barely alive...I should have gone to him, but you were in such a deep coma I couldn't leave you here alone!" Megumi turned towards the walls after saying those words. "I'll be going to see him now."

Sanosuke's eyes opened widely as Megumi swept past him and out the door. "Well, I didn't know that fox-lady cared about my health that much."

* * *

After seeing Megumi tend to Saitou's deep wounds, Kaoru headed over to Sanosuke to see how he was faring. Right when she entered the room, Sanosuke immediately showered her with the one question she did not want to answer.

"How did Saitou and Tsubame get hurt?"

Kaoru gazed at Sanosuke and sighed. "I have to tell you, don't I?" At Sanosuke's nod, Kaoru continued on. "Well, I hope you don't get too emotional like Yahiko did...Tsubame and Saitou were hunted down by Seta Soujiro before he attacked you."

Sanosuke's eyes opened wide. "Soujiro attacked a girl??" Kaoru nodded. Sanosuke continued on incredulously. "He actually beat Saitou?"

"I guess you're taking this in better than any of us."

Sanosuke shook his head dumbly. "No, I'm just waiting for the facts to sink in. I just find it too unbelievable."

* * *

Misao finished wrapping Soujiro's wrist with a light pat. "There you go...that should do for now."

Soujiro was still looking at nowhere in particular, his eyes blank and out of focus. Misao slowly got up and backed into the doorway. All the while, Kenshin and Aoshi kept their eyes on Soujiro.

"You know we can't help unless he accepts himself." Aoshi said suddenly, as he pulled Misao over.

Kenshin nodded. "He has to come into terms with himself, like what we did."

Misao gazed at the forlorn young man and looked away.

* * *

"There you go...that should do for now."

That girl, Makimachi Misao, wrapped my left hand. She and Yahiko both stopped me from slipping to death. Still, my eyes feel glazed and my hands are numb. I'm as good as dead. I can't see very well, but I can still feel that Himura-san has been gazing at me, seeming to want to know what I was going to do. The thing is...I don't know what I want right now. I wanted to die...but I can't die. Yumi-neesan doesn't want me to waste my life...but what do I have to live for? I know I have to live for her...still...there's nothing else and no one else motivating me except for Yumi-neesan. Life has no meaning...and...

Where would I live...would I just keep wandering? I don't want to wander around! It's so lonely. All the people I meet are just faces in a few seconds of my life. I don't want that! I want to get to know someone really well. I want people to accept me. I want to live with people I know. I don't want to live my life as a wanderer, as a stranger!

I blinked suddenly as I was thinking these thoughts. Was that what I wanted all along? Just...not wandering? Was I really that much of a coward that I couldn't even bear the fact of being alone?

I heard the two people next to me leave. Then the door shut and the three people at the door left me there in my own turmoil.

I think I finally know what I want.

I want...no, I need...I need friendship. I need to feel people caring for me. I...I've been deprived of a family all these years...Yumi-neesan was the only person even close to being family and she died. I really wish someone would fill that large gap in my heart I have right now. Someone please stop me from thinking of Yumi-neesan!

Please...I don't want to feel lonely anymore.

* * *

Misao watched as Soujiro blinked. She held in her breath waiting to see what he would do. She was so sure he would turn around and look at them and start yelling, but before she could see that happen, Aoshi-sama pulled her away from the door and Himura slid the door close. She struggled against Aoshi-sama's grip, wanting to see what was going to happen, but the stern look in Aoshi-sama's eyes stopped her.

After she was pulled a great distance away from the room, she broke free of Aoshi-sama's grasp and slumped against the wall with her head down, unwilling to look up. She heard Himura's footsteps stop next to her.

"Come on, Misao. Let's go to the dining room. Kaoru told me that Tsubame, Saitoh, and Sanosuke are all recovering. They're all past the danger point." Kenshin's soft voice drifted down the hallway.

Misao looked up slowly and got up. Aoshi glanced at Misao before turning and walking towards the dining room.

* * *

Yahiko stood in the practice room, looking at the names of his students on the wall. He had been standing there for a good hour or so. Tsubame left to help Kaoru make dinner. He winced at the thought of Kaoru's food. It improved a whole lot over the years, but it still wasn't all that great. Sanosuke, after being tended to by Megumi, seemed to be up and about, ready to eat dinner. Even Saitou seemed like he was feeling okay, even though he was extremely pale. That stab had been way too close to his heart. Misao's skills probably saved his life.

Yahiko looked back at the names and grinned slightly. He was finally a grown-up, and even had his own students to teach the Kamiya technique to. Even though he was still young, his skills were good enough to be considered a worthy teacher. He smiled as he reminisced about the past few years.

And that was when Yahiko heard the door slide open. He didn't even bother to look back. He thought it was probably Sanosuke.

He was wrong.

"I challenge you." It was a soft voice...it wasn't Sanosuke...

Yahiko swirled around at those words and saw Soujiro standing there with a wide smile. His hands were by his waist. Yahiko immediately placed his hands on his own hilt.

He had to be ready...he had to be!

* * *

"Dinner's ready!" Kaoru smiled and carried out the food. Tsubame carried the rice over to the the table and placed it down. Kenshin, Kenji, Aoshi, Misao, Sanosuke, Megumi, and Saitoh were already at the table, ready to eat. Misao looked around as she saw the food coming.

"Where's Yahiko?"

Kaoru shrugged. "I don't know. Somewhere."

Tsubame smiled and answered instead. "He's in the practice room, contemplating I guess. I'll bring his dinner over later."

Misao nodded, quietly eating her dinner. Then she asked another question. "Should someone bring some food to Soujiro?"

No one answered, so Misao continued on. "I'll get him some food." She stood up and quickly filled a bowl up.

Aoshi got up with her. "If you're going, I'll come with you."

Misao looked at Aoshi and smiled. "Thanks, Aoshi-sama."

Together, they walked towards the guest room that Soujiro was in. That room was the farthest from the dining room.

When Misao reached the outside of the room, she placed her hands on the door, ready to slide it open yet hesitant to do it. Finally, taking in a deep breath and seeing Aoshi-sama's affirmative nod, she slid the door open...

...only to see the room empty and the blankets folded neatly. Misao's eyes widened immediately.

Aoshi quickly hurried towards the dining room to tell the others about this.

Misao stood there stiffly, looking at the vacant room. She bit her lips, not wanting to believe that Soujiro had left. Walking closer towards the folded blanket, she put the food down and glanced at the blanket again. It was sort of lumpy...Misao pulled the top layer of the blanket away and saw something she never thought she'd see lying there.

Quickly, she grabbed it and ran towards the practice room.

* * *

I grinned and kept parrying with the boy. He really is just a boy to me. He's probably, oh, maybe around ten years younger than me? I don't know.

Well, I brought the sword down to stop Yahiko's next swing and jumped back away from his sakabatou as he swung towards me again. We both stood far away from each other, grinning wildly. In a flash, we were at each other again. _Seiten no Keishuku! _ I landed a kick at his face and propelled myself at the wall, bouncing back at the kid again, faster than he could see. I swung the sword at him. He managed to bring his sword down just in time to stop me from hitting him. I disappeared again only to reappear at his back. He turned around quickly and tried to swing at me. I ducked and swung at his legs. He jumped away. _Shukuchi!_ I vanished as dents appeared behind me. I probably ruined their floor.

Still, I think this is quite fun...he's pretty good I guess.

I grinned and continued to parry.

* * *

When everyone heard about Soujiro's disappearance, they were all worried. The only person who might be in danger right now...would be Yahiko. Tsubame immediately ran towards the practice room only to see Misao already standing outside of the room, calmly gazing in. She was hugging something to her body.

When Tsubame got closer, she saw that it was a sheathed sword. It wasn't just any sheathed sword either. It was Soujiro's. She stood at the doorway and looked inside, her worry slowly dissolving away.

Kenshin looked at the sword in Misao's arms and then looked inside the room. He smiled and hugged Kaoru close to him and patted his son on his head. "I think he finally decided, and I think he made a good choice."

Everyone looked inside the room, finally understanding what was going on.

Soujiro was using a wooden sword.

* * *

**the end**

* * *

A/N: Hope all of you liked the ending. I altered the fic greatly because no one appreciated Evil!Soujiro. (sighs)

Since some of you asked, here's where the fic was headed before. In the first version, Yahiko played an even bigger part. He's the last person Soujiro fights after Soujiro kills most of the older generation. Yahiko is finally able to stop Soujiro when Tsubame wakes up to back him up. Soujiro falters when he hears Tsubame's voice.


End file.
